Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Why smart girls have a hard time understanding boys...

Warning: I don't have all the answers.

Disclaimer: Not all of this is based off of personal experience or personal knowledge of someone else experiencing such things.

Confession: I have a terrible habit and undeniable flaw of COMPLETELY misinterpreting situations that really shouldn't be (and don't have the luxury of being) misinterpreted.

Confused yet? Okay, good. Me too.

I suppose this blog post will primarily serve selfish therapeutic purposes, but I know I'm not the only one out there who struggles with similar communicative obstacles.

Let us rewind and provide some background information. I am a 23 year old, single female who is almost one year into the post-graduation world. I've had my fair share of the dating experience (really casual to somewhat casual to kinda serious to pretty serious), but that's really not something I care to blog about (you should be grateful). But throughout all of this experience and the experiences that never led to something, I've learned a couple things about myself. The biggest surprise of them all? I frequently misinterpret texts, emails, and even in-person interactions, causing me to build up these unwarranted expectations of both the other person involved and any future scenarios. In layman's terms: stop your flirting if you're not willing to take it any're messing with my mind.

I have a really hard time believing that I'm capable of "inventing situations" in my mind. Any text/email/in-person conversation that has led to me thinking, " he flirting? Or is that just me," has to come from SOMEWHERE. I'm not that delusional, nor am I that desperate. So the question remains, is it friendship or is it something more?

Here's some Cosmo-esque tips that I've scoured from the world wide web...
Five Signs He's Interested:
1. He tells someone, like a mutual friend...uh, okay, this isn't high school anymore. In this day and age, I think the mutual friends are harder to come by anyways... maybe you've had an interaction with a co-worker or someone random in which mutual friends are fewer and further between...isn't that something that's supposed to happen more frequently in the real world?
2. "The look"...yeah this doesn't exist anymore. This myth of a "look" is exactly what got me and other girls my age into the position we're currently in.
3. The conversation...well goodness, I hope he's paying attention regardless. If we're deciding between friendship or something more, both motivations should result in active conversation.
4. He appears unexpectedly...again, what a myth! Nobody appears outside your window with a boom box over his head, nor runs to your gate at the airport to tell you to not get on the plane. Please, moving on.
5. EVERYONE likes you....what kind of advice is this?? Everyone likes you?! I consider myself to be relatively friendly and I would like to believe that more people enjoy my company more than the people that despise it. But still. There continues to be no differentiation between friend and significant other.

Well, this really leaves us nowhere besides only reiterating my belief that people just need to be straight up and forward. I've said some brutally honest things before in my life...but looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm closer to 25 than I am to 21 and who has the time for games at this point? So readers everywhere, here's the moral of the story. If you've been playing games with someone, or leading them on in any way (whether it's in a relationship, a friendship, a rivalry, etc), lets put it all to rest. Because flirting is dangerous territory...although it may be beneficial in some aspects, it's always important to consider the long-term ramifications of consistent and incessant flirtatiousness.

Thoughts? Agree/disagree? Bottom line...I'm single and I'm gonna try to enjoy it while it lasts :)


Holli said...

There's also a difference between charmers and flirters. Some people just have a charming personality and one cannot fault them for that. (It took me a while to figure this out -- my husband has a lot of relatives who are charmers and when we were dating, I kept feeling awkward around them because I thought they were flirting. The charm's in their blood!)
However, that doesn't make it any easier for the available person on the receiving end, misinterpreting charm as flirtatiousness.

Liz said...

Hi Courtney, I've never met you, but this post title caught my eye on my sister Vickie's blog, so I popped over to check it out. I can certainly empathize with your point of view, even though she thinks I'm old and married by now. Looking back on my single days, what I wish I had been able to do was enjoy each interaction for what it was, rather than trying to read into it so much. I think I would have had a lot more fun and gone through a lot less anxiety if that had been my approach. Because trust me-- when a guy *really* likes you, he will let you know. He won't rely on your ability to interpret all the "signs." And if he can't let you know directly, he's not worth the anxiety! : )

Courtney said...

Thanks for your comment, Liz! I've heard really great things about you from Vickie :) I also really appreciate all of your wise insight. It's great to hear from young married women like yourself and you too, Holli!