It's official...I'm the worst blogger ever.

I'm sorry blogger.com...but when it comes down to it, updating the world with the little new information about my life is low on my priority list. However, I do feel a little bit guilty...because I think it's both healthy and necessary to have a little get-away time from the hectic senior year I'm already having.

So my last update was in March. Hm. That was 7 months ago...what has developed since...

Well, first off...(if any of you are still on the edge of your seats) I was elected Student Body President, but not without a little controversy. Nothing like starting off my career as an elected official with a bang. This position is one of the many reasons as to why 4 hours of sleep is a luxury. I love it, I really, really do...but before Senate was back in session, I kinda wanted someone to impeach me (kidding...kinda). It's a hard job to juggle all by yourself, but I'm lucky to have such a great VP in Danny. Not only does he keep me on track with the important stuff, he provides the quality sarcastic remarks here and there. FYI, if he calls you and you miss/ignore it, do not text him back. This makes him angry. Just call. Or answer in the first place.

I finished my Christ College honors thesis over the summer after long, long hours of reading, developing thought, and writing. I ended up entitling it "Discovering and Understanding the Tragedy in Romance: A Theory of Love"...but ask me now as to what my conclusion was, and I'll have a hard time remembering. And now I have begun my political science honors thesis...originally, I was incredibly excited about starting it (as I do love politics), but now it's becoming another burden. It's incredibly difficult to be responsible for writing this huge paper while reading 200+ pages (which are completely irrelevant to my topic, mind you) on top of that for class discussion. I'm only taking 13 credits (the past three years, I took 18-22 credits each semester), but it feels like 32. I was hoping that things would be settled down by now (since we're only 3 DAYS from fall break!), but it hasn't. This is probably my doing because I sometimes find it difficult to stick to a schedule...but I'm choosing to blame it on this thesis that's hovering above my head.

Bah.

On an incredibly optimistic and positive note, I am absolutely loving the social aspects of senior year so far. I honestly love my friends to death and I truly can't imagine not seeing these people every day next year. Even at the age of 22, I've made so many great friends within these first 7-ish weeks of school...it truly amazes me. I really want to live this year to the fullest (cheesy, yes, I know)...regardless if that means I have to spend $20 to go to a concert, or spend $7 to see another terrible movie that Justin wants to go to. These are going to be the moments I remember.

As I said earlier, Fall Break begins Wednesday (well technically Thursday)...and I'm heading to DC for the second year in a row! Not only do I get to spend some quality time with @collinfields and Danny in Georgetown, but my dad and Nick will also be out there over the weekend! Needless to say, I'm super excited...and I've never driven to DC, so this should be an interesting experience. 4-ish years ago our marching band took a trip to NYC via bus, but I really wasn't paying attention to the scenery (or possible lack thereof), so I'm pumped for a day full of driving.

On a completely random note, I'm in love with the show Glee. Not only do I absolutely love show choir, but I just love this show. If there were any way I could become a cast member, I would probably have a heart attack. I think I missed my calling...I'm destined to be in show choir forever. Ha.

Second random note. I experienced a major blast from the past this weekend, in the form of an ex-boyfriend. I don't really know what else to say at the moment, besides the fact that it was unexpected...and I think anybody else who was there could account for that.

Well, there is absolutely no reason for me to still be awake right now...I could have been in bed before midnight. #fail. And I'll try to update more often. #thatsalie.

(If there's snow on the ground when I wake up, I'm yelling at my dad...and @zachuey and @triberocker)

I'm Running for VU Student Body President!

Yes, it is true...I am officially running for VU Student Body President, and I'm absolutely thrilled! This wasn't something that has been in the works for years, or even months for that matter. The encouragement and confidence of others has brought me to where I am. For this reason, I feel that I am in a great place to serve as the leader here on campus. Since I'm linking to this post in the Facebook group, so graciously created by Rachel, this will serve as a somewhat informal introduction into who I am and what I've done here at VU.

Well...my name is Courtney Heitkamp and I hail from the great city of Sioux Falls in the great state of South Dakota. I am currently a junior political science (emphasis on public policy and public administration) and humanities double major, with a minor in political communication....and I'm also in Christ College...holler! Looking to my involvement in student organizations at Valpo, I have held numerous leadership positions.

First, looking to Student Senate itself, I started as a Residence Hall senator in April of 2008 and served as a secretary for the Committee on Residence and was also a member of the Discretionary Funds Committee (in which we allocated 100K of rollover funds). I then decided to run as a Junior Class Senator for the 2008-2009 academic year and I have been honored to serve on the Finance Committee as secretary and also as the Chair for the MBAR Revision Committee. These two positions, in particular, have enabled me to come into closer communication and cooperation with student organizations of all sizes. Especially turning towards MBAR, this committee did a great job of revitalizing the senate financial system to make it work for student organizations. And to me, that's the purpose of senate. Through these experiences, I have garnered a repetuation of being able to answer and research questions proposed by both senators and students, as a whole, and also demonstrated that I'm willing to work hard for the betterment of the student body. I am still working on a project with the Career Center in helping students, especially juniors, prepare themselves with the graduate school/prof school application process...which will hopefully be implemented in the Fall of 2009!

But enough about Senate.

I've been heavily involved in College Republicans, and am currently serving as Co-President of this organization. My tenure will be coming to an end, however, in a couple of weeks, in order to ensure more efficient transition between leadership so that this group maintains a strong presence on campus. Also, I'm involved with Student Alumni Association, Intramural Advisory Council, the Christ College Steering Committee, Pi Sigma Alpha, Mortar Board, University Council, and the Conversations Project.

In the past, I've also been involved with Kantorei and Campus Crusade (just so you know!).

So yes, I'm involved...yet not overly involved. I've been incredibly careful not to extend myself too far, because my greatest fear is not being able to complete any task or fulfill my obligations to an organization to the best of my ability. With this said, I feel that I have successfully placed myself, and my mind, in the right place to run, and win, the SB presidency.

I offer the student body open partnerships. VU has the unique ability to grant organizations a high degree of autonomy and I know that I am capable of fostering and assisting all student organizations to the best of my ability. I am no longer willing to accept that Senate is incapable of working with student organizations. I lobbied for MBAR for this reason...in order for anything to move in a more positive direction of cooperation between all groups, all parties involved need to come to the table with level heads and clear hearts. I'm fully prepared to do this.

I'm not in it for the stipend. I don't even care about the $2,001 that I will potentially earn. I wish I could do away with it. I'm not even sure if words can convey how willing I am to serve in this capacity and serve as the liason between students and the administration. I want to be a presence, a go-to voice, for this campus, and I feel that I have already proven myself capable of being such a person for VU.

I love this school, I love what it stands for....so together, lets make it better.

Spread the word like wildfire, lets make it happen folks.



All my best...

I Can't Commit...I finally admit it....

Once again, I have failed to regularly post on my own blog. Ugh. And I knew this was actually going to happen too, I was just hoping to prolong the inevitable. Because of this, let me update you on my life (in a nutshell):

1. I'm currently back home in Sioux Falls enjoying my 15 day spring break (I return to VU a week from today). Went to Monk's for the first time and enjoyed some imported German beer with Charli (she also graduated from WHS with me and also goes to Valpo!) and her awesome boyfriend Drew...I've also been hanging out with the family. Went to the midnight show of Watchmen with CFields. Probably the most interesting crowd of people I have ever seen in my entire life. I actually didn't fall asleep and did enjoy the movie, for the most part.

2. I've been working out on a more consistent basis lately, resulting in an incredibly sore back...and sore shoulders...and sore thighs...and sore abs. Ugh.

3. Before leaving for break, I was responsible for heading a committee to re-vamp, re-format, re-do, uphaul the current Student Senate financial system. Ugh. This resulted in a 5-page motion to Senate (the longest in Senate history btw) which I will have to read out loud to Senate the day we get back from break. Nothing like giving a boring, 30-minute speech.

4. My roommate turned 21 over break. Should be an interesting rest of the semester.

5. Went to Sigma Phi Epsilon's semi-formal, aka the Speakeasy, with Luke :) It was easily one of the best nights I have ever had at Valpo!
6. I am currently writing my honors' thesis for Christ College this semester for ProfHoff's seminar entitled "The Perplexities of Personal Love." I figured that because I am such an expert in the field, I might as well write a thesis............
I'm looking at developing tragic love and the western fascination of it...but that's to be conquered within these final days of break.

7. I saw Jon McLaughlin in concert at the House of Blues. Amazing.

8. I've become involved in the choir at Bethel Church and I've absolutely loved it! I've also been thinking and praying about playing piano and singing for the Worship Team, but due to complications from me being gone or busy with school, it's kind of up-in-the-air right now...but it's ultimately in God's hands!

9. Speaking of Bethel, I am so thankful to have found a church that I truly love...and a church that honestly challenges me. I don't want to be comfortable during a sermon...I need the challenge...and this is what I get from Bethel. I'm terrified to have to leave Bethel after graduation, but I know that, once again, it's all in His hands!

10. I'm really excited for Kelly Clarkson's new cd...yeah, yeah...mock me if you want. You can listen to it at vh1.com!

11. I love my family...they are the greatest.

12. As for this summer, I will be coming back to SFSD...either working at Old Navy or doing an internship with a certain hospital in their certain lobbying arena...or a combination of both! But I'm really excited to come back to SD so I can make my cousin's wedding (eeek!) and spend time with her baby when he arrives (eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!). However, I am not excited about working at Old Navy...don't even talk to me about it. Ha.

13. Myself and my two future roommates have officially agreed on an apartment for next year...well, it's actually a townhouse located off of Vale Park (Williamsburg on the Lake...except it's more of a retention pond, but ssshh don't tell anybody). And since I pretty much just gave out my future address, feel free to stalk.

14. I'm still single...woo.

15. I really can't think of anything else.

16. I really like numbered lists...they work well for me.




mmmmk, peace/love

And the walls come tumbling down.....on me....

So I think this is one of those moments in life where you just start to lose it. I am losing it. I am more lonely, more confused, and more frustrated than ever before. I am finally beginning to feel actual pressure about my future and I finally realize that I don't have any answers. In saying this, I am not asking, wanting, nor requesting any sympathy or pity, for that matter. These are my feelings and I'm not going to lie about it in fear of people realizing that I too, struggle.

I'm not homesick. I'm not doing bad in school. I'm not making bad decisions (well, I sin, but you know what I mean). I'm not having troubles with friends. Or anything like that.

I am wanting answers. I am wanting to see the light that is supposedly there. I am wanting to trust God with all of this. I want to have the faith that God will see me through this unknown. I want to persevere. But I feel that I might not be strong enough. Why now? Why tonight? Why this week? Or why ever?

I am in the middle of filling out the remaining portion of my Truman application (due on the 3rd...holy crunch time) and after I answer each question, my confidence fades and fades. I'm not good enough for this. I don't think I have what it takes. I can't even figure out what I want to do for the summer, so how am I supposed to answer a question about where I see myself five to seven years after I complete grad school? This frustration with the unknown makes me want to sit in my room, alone, until I figure it out. I know that's not my personality, but it's what I'm feeling right now. I wish I could drive/fly far away, figure out my life, come back, and then enjoy. I don't want people to see me struggle.

At this point last year, I had job opportunities on the table while everyone else was fishing for ideas. Although I am incredibly happy and grateful that my friends have received excellent and exciting internship and research positions, I'm just flat out jealous. For as often as people tell me I have it all together, I'm really feeling like I don't.

I don't know where to begin and I don't know how to fix it. And as I hastily type this at 2AM, tears are building and I'm not going to stop them. I feel like I've failed and I can't give a reason why, or to whom I've let down. If it's you, I'm sorry and you deserve better. If it's not, well, sorry for the emotional rant. I hate going to bed because I feel that each hour I spend sleeping is one hour I should be spending thinking and figuring out my unknowns. I feel guilty for sleeping. What is wrong with me?!

I could keep going...but I think I'll spare all of you the pain and I think it's time for me to turn the light off so my lovely, smart, intelligent roommate can get some well-deserved rest.